As chatty and oversharing as I am to many of you, sharing this part of me is tough because many of you haven’t heard this part. This transformation may not seem significant to you, but not all transformations are strictly physical and I can guarantee these are two completely different people. The person on the left was stuck in an emotionally and physically taxing relationship because she felt she couldn’t do any better. She smoked nearly two packs a day and drank to the point of numbing the mind, body, and soul often, because it was easier than dealing with the reality of her unhappiness. She struggled with binging for days then not eating for those that followed, overexercised to the point of exhaustion, and drank 2 liters of full-sugar soda like it was the last beverage on Earth. She lived alone, so it was easy to hide the pain, frustration, and depression. And even with friends and family nearby, she felt utterly alone.
Why am I writing in third-person when this very clearly is me? Because I’m no longer the shell of a person on the left. I made one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make and moved 400 miles away from nearly everything I knew shortly after that picture was taken. Since then my life got flipped, turned up side down (Fresh Prince said it best). I escaped the horrible relationship that created even more trust issues, and eventually let the love of my life in past my rough, rough exterior. I quit smoking cold turkey after witnessing my now husband doing the same 5 months earlier and will be celebrating 10 years smoke-free this November. I have reached a point where I can drink socially without getting to the point of black-out drunk just for fun (which wasn’t really fun or safe now that I think about it), but it took some time stepping away and deciding what was more important. I have a much healthier relationship with food and know what it takes to fuel my body and meet its needs, but still acknowledge my struggle with binge-eating and am always a work in progress. I work my body to a point I know it can handle, but also know to listen when it tells me to take it easy. I haven’t had any soda, full-sugar or diet, in nearly 4 1/2 years, and feel no need to deal with that addiction ever again. I removed as many toxic people out of my life as possible, and have learned to deflect the negativity of those around me that are still struggling with demons of their own. And I’m sincerely and truly happy.
Why have I not told the whole story before? Because it’s messy, imperfect, sad, depressing, and negative. It’s not me anymore. It has been like a second job working on ME the last 11 years of my life, but most especially that first year after I moved away. It’s been much easier having a loving, caring partner by my side. And even better with a community of strong, powerful, and positive-thinking people around me! Parts of me are definitely still a hot mess. I’m far from perfect and still get sad and depressed. Negative thoughts still creep in from time to time but I try to stay as positive as possible. But I’m in a much better place and it started with recognizing something wasn’t right. I’m not saying change is easy…far from it actually. But it’s so, so, so, so, SO WORTH IT. You should never forget your “person on the left,” but make it your MISSION to never become her again. I hope I encourage at least one of you to start your Transformation today. All it takes is one step forward. And I’m here if you need someone to hold your hand. I sure did.
#transformationtuesday #faceyourpast #overshare #health #messy #positive #emotional #happy #mission